:-(

During my first week of living here I was having a blast. I feel like i fit a lot in this environment, and me and my roomies get along very nicelly. One of them is like my best bud around here. And my artwork has been getting a lot more better, and FUN. and I can work a lot more in a space that gives me a lot of freedom, time, and quiet.

But I cant help but feeling upset. And its not exactly that Im feeling homesick.

What I have come to realize lately is that I never truly valued the time I spent with some people back home and now that Im here I realized that a lot of friendships will end and there are a lot of people that I like that Im never going to see again.
I have always felt like a jerk for being unable to emotionally relate myself to people and for being a bit too careless about people who I love. I am a nice guy and I dont think im socially akward, but Im not a social butterfly. For me, hangin out with a few select people I TRULY care about is more important than having a bunch of friends who you can drink and party with.
But I like to experiment new things to get along with more people, specially now that Im out of Mexico and I feel like I have to be extra open minded about other peoples life habits.

I have been living out of my hometown for nearly 2 years now, moving from place to place, basically changing lives, styles, groups of friends, and clothing. Now, in adition to those things, I am changing my language.

I feel....terribly upset about not having someone to speak spanish with (outside of the internet). I had never tought this would be a problem but It actually is something I miss a lot. I think its because it sort of disconnects me a bit more from my roots than I want to.
I think im subconciously trying not to appear "mexican" to other people, in a way. Im not talking about denying the stereotype, but I fear people will reject and fear me because I was raised in a different cultural environment. I dont want to deny this part of myself to fit in better with people. EVEN TOUGH I AM AN EXPERT IN DOING THESE KIND OF CHANGES to fit in wherever I go.

I dont know where I belong anymore. Everyone in the world that I know of, knows a different me

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ikool 2010-09-11 03:29:38

Atleast Newgrounds will always love you... :'<
Forever and ever and ever and ever...

On a more srs note, try to cheer up. Even though it may seem sad now, try to look at the more positive things you have in your life right now.

My only advice would be to not think of your past too much. I had tons of troubles when I moved and it took years to get over it...

omegared 2010-09-11 04:07:28

You'd be very surprised. Sometimes people don't change like we think they will. And they don't forget, hardly ever, who we are to them.

I moved away from my home town two years and I barely see my best friends. And it's really hard for me to make friends here in my new town because of that yah know. You know.

But there's always a good perspective to things and if you look on the good side of things, before you know it, you're going to be around your old friends and family again, and things won't be as different to them or you as you thought.

Honestly, you always have a chance to make things better.

Sorry to sound like a freaking homo, but this is what I have honestly found to be true. I just keep a good perspective and I always seem to find myself in the right place, and I mean with people.

omegared 2010-09-11 04:08:44

My ^ post has to do with the whole self identity thing too ;)

omegared 2010-09-11 04:19:22

Yah I'm posting a lot, but I really relate to this.

I'm also an introvert, by nature. I have been to many parties and I have groups of friends that are all over the place. What I have found is that I am actually very comfortable with myself, and I am always worried about what I think other people think.

I think, from what I read from you here, that you are trying to identify yourself, and you are getting emotional over the fact that you might have spread yourself thin with friends or people you know.

The best advice I can lend you is to talk about it with those same people, at least ones that are actually available to listen, and you'll see that it's really not that big a deal.

Again, not everyone changes that much, not even over two or more years. In fact, people change very little for the most part. Unless they are driven individuals who see something in them they don't like.

Take it in stride, and remember this: Life is big, and it's easy to get bogged down when you look at everything about it all at once, but it is important to do this, just know that we, as people, don't deal with it all at once we deal with life one day, one step, at a time. So keep everything in perspective, and deal with what you can while you can.

If you feel sad, talk, and if you feel good, enjoy yourself, and don't worry about the other people too much. They'll be fine. You need to worry about you, for now.

hope this helps

TheBoogley 2010-09-11 05:22:52

woah, that was deep... I'm glad your work is progressing well.
This whole identity thing is a great subject to animate about. SERIOUSLY

Emanhattan 2010-09-11 05:22:52

I could do this

MindChamber 2010-09-11 09:59:15

I stopped at "I am a nice guy" lol

Emanhattan 2010-09-11 09:59:15 (Updated 2010-09-11 13:31:29)

If you knew me in person youd probably like me!

Assington 2010-09-11 11:08:23

Give it more time buddy, i'm sure you'll get more settled into things, you haven't been there that long.

Emanhattan 2010-09-11 11:08:23 (Updated 2010-09-11 13:35:32)

ASS ington

KhawnerL 2010-09-11 11:49:59

pfffffffftahahaahaah

Emanhattan 2010-09-11 11:49:59 (Updated 2010-09-11 13:32:03)

khawner.jpg

Redfeather 2010-09-11 17:51:12

lol

MAYORMCHEESE 2010-09-11 21:34:22

I send dirty PMs to Golfinho every day. I *think* he understands me.

Short-Factor 2010-09-12 02:41:44

I wish I could relate to this but I don't think I can. I've considered feeling that way the day I move away from home. But for the most part everyone around me has been completely against me and treated me like shit most of my life. So, I can't see myself regretting a move all too much. There's only a handful of people I know who really stood by me, and I know I will miss them when I move. The other half of your problem is being foreign, something I cannot at all relate to, but I guess I can only repeat the tired cliche of "being yourself."

Great-01-Revolver 2010-09-13 22:33:49

It's just a part of life it'll be over soon, but for now you just gotta to what you gotta do man.

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